April Fools' Special

Date: 
Sunday, March 26th, 2017
Suspect is still at large. Believed to be a student from the backwoods of the state of Washington. If either the hole or student is seen please report it to the nearest Public Safety officer or conspiracy theorist.
Date: 
Sunday, March 26th, 2017

It was recently reported that the delay in the construction of the new academic building on campus was due to the harsh weather in Chicago during the winter months. This has been the official reason given by the school and city alike, but the delay was truly caused by gophers. These are not your run of the mill gophers, however, as many of them have apparently grown massive in size and have begun to surface due to the ongoing work in and around their homes in Morton Park.

Date: 
Sunday, March 26th, 2017

Have you noticed your peers acting distant? Have they been disappearing at odd hours of the night with no explanation of where they’ve been and a crazed look in their eyes? The source of these problems may be Illinois Tech’s frequent use of acronyms; many students believe that these acronyms, previously believed to be mere literary conveniences, are becoming not only sentient, but malevolent.

Date: 
Saturday, March 25th, 2017

If you live in the residence halls or Greek housing here at Illinois Tech, you probably think you know the ropes by now. If you commute to school, you’ve probably still visited one of our residential buildings with friends at one point or another. Still, there are some little things that you may not notice from day to day, and some bigger things that THE SHADOW BOARD OF TRUSTEES IS HIDING FROM YOU.

Date: 
Friday, March 24th, 2017

Explorative, deep, strategic. In the context of games, did those words make you think of a video game? If so, you have been living a lie, perhaps full of pretty screens, but what is real life besides a large, metaphorical television screen anyway?  To the gamer in you, I say take out a napkin and a pen so that you can play a real game: Tic Tac Toe. You may be about to tell me to go fish for a new mentality on what constitutes a real game, but hear me out on this. As such, here is a review you never asked for but assuredly will change your mind on gaming.

Date: 
Sunday, March 29th, 2015
Here at IIT, we pride ourselves on campus safety. With a first class public safety team, and citizens of Bronzeville devoted to not mugging you and stealing your bike, IIT has benefited from years of peace and safety. Recently however, campus has suffered from a severe spike in the number of city bears (yes, bears) that have been terrorizing students. So here at TechNews, we made it our personal responsibility to make a guide to help you if you ever come into contact with a city bear

1. Don’t be a jerk

Date: 
Monday, March 23rd, 2015
By: 
Reno Waswil
After months of heated negotiations between IIT and their primary food provider Sodexo, finally, both parties have come to an agreement over a set of new terms indicative of their professional relationship. This includes, most notably, that Sodexo will take full legal control over Illinois Institute of Technology. “They drove a hard bargain and we eventually reached a point that we really had no other option but to settle,” says a representative of the school's contract negotiating team.
Date: 
Monday, March 31st, 2014
By: 
Utsav Gandhi

What an extraordinarily successful season for Alternative Spring Break! The most number of applications ever, the largest team size ever, correspondingly the biggest budget and the most successful fundraising season! This included the annual Pie in the Face with President Anderson himself dropping by ever so sportingly to get pied for charity and a Tamale Sale that was deeply appreciated by all.  This was also the year with the first ever ASB Fall Build as well as ASB Chicago, for those unable to attend the spring build trip to West Virginia.

Date: 
Sunday, March 30th, 2014
By: 
Reno Waswil
Last week, the Board of Directors, in a record unanimous decision, finally agreed on plans for their goal of installing a small electric trolley to shuttle students around the campus by 2016. The new plan will have priority over every other project expected to take place on campus, including even regular maintenance of the campus and its buildings that still remain unfinished.
Date: 
Saturday, March 29th, 2014
By: 
Katie Peters
In an effort to increase enrollment and change the image of the school, IIT has jumped on the post-apocalyptic young adult fiction bandwagon. After the school’s recent appearance in Veronica Roth’s ‘Divergent,’ and the success of the film, administrators have decided to begin incorporating the ‘Divergent’ theme in the school in order to attract “a younger hipper crowd.” One of their changes includes new lettering on the school sign announcing the school’s participation in the wildly popular trilogy.