April Fools' Special
As is the tradition with TechNews, we are here to bring you breaking news, happening now. We have confirmed reports that Russia has invaded the Ukrainian Village over spring break and now occupies the local Starbucks. Residents have responded by mobilizing their reserve forces. Ethnic white girls are the hardest hit, by the turmoil and are swiftly being moved out of the region by the Ukrainian Village Guard.
According to studies conducted by numerous universities and research institutes, hope, a popular mental sensation widely credited for providing peace-of-mind and giving people the strength to overcome hardship, has been found to be clinically identical to a placebo.
I remember giving you this advice last year too—when Alternative Spring Break declares applications open for the annual trip, don’t think twice: Apply. Following last year’s unforgettable extravaganza in Cancun, Mexico, this year’s participants clamored for a similarly sunny tropical paradise. Fundraising endeavors included soliciting unsuspecting students, staff and families to go as far out as publicly pie their friends in order to raise money.
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