Giant Gophers Terrorize Construction Workers At Morton Park

Sun, 2017/03/26

It was recently reported that the delay in the construction of the new academic building on campus was due to the harsh weather in Chicago during the winter months. This has been the official reason given by the school and city alike, but the delay was truly caused by gophers. These are not your run of the mill gophers, however, as many of them have apparently grown massive in size and have begun to surface due to the ongoing work in and around their homes in Morton Park. At first these gophers kept their distance, but as the work drew closer and closer to their dwellings below ground, the animals became increasingly hostile. Things reached a fever pitch when the giant mother gophers finally surfaced and attacked several of the workers without warning. It was at this point that the school halted construction to deal with the problem. Several teams of exterminators were sent in to the work site to clear the gophers, but what came next was a long and bloody stalemate between the two forces. It wasn’t until the exterminators resorted to sleeping gas and grizzly-grade guns that the battle final ended with the removal of the gophers from the area. Of the surviving giant gophers, most were sent to research facilities for examination while some of the smaller ones were released into the wild (the closest golf course). Since their removal, construction has started up again with no further problems from the wildlife in the area, even though rumors still run rampant amongst the workers that some remain, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to strike again.

Story Source: Betsy Devos