For a person who had strong roots in my mother country, I was oddly excited to move to a whole new continent to start my post-graduate life. I think the excitement stemmed from the fact I have never been out of my comfort zone and neither have I lived alone without some relative in the near radius. Born in an extremely conservative family as the late and last child, the bridge between my parents and I, wasn’t something to be cemented by simple lunch conversations. I knew I was always looking at the world through my properly constructed yet extremely partial looking-glass. And so, I thought I needed to break out of my careful cocoon if I wanted to truly explore all possibilities out there.
The whole experience of transposing my life in a different country with most things new was exhilarating. But the journey was a roller-coaster that I forgot it has both highs and lows. The day I exited the Chicago airport, it still didn’t hit me at all that I am on foreign soil. The drive towards the new house where I was going to live for the next couple of years was filled with a view of the Chicago skyline- long and tall buildings lining up in rows without a break. It was quite confusing since it finally hit me that I am no longer on some dream solo vacation that I will return in two days rather a lifetime opportunity that might make or break me.
I was expecting to enjoy the taste of freedom after moving away from an “almost prison-like undergrad” experience (which is a whole different story for another day) but I don’t think I did much different here. I didn’t have something so drastic or out-of-character to try after I “broke out of my safety shell”. I didn't have a “wild” bucket list to try out and it took almost a semester to come to terms with it.
A drastic change in your life doesn’t have to warrant a drastic change in your personality. I just understand that while my life here is amazing and it is okay to feel contended without wanting to prove this happiness by some extreme action. Any path that we take might be the wrong one for us and it's alright to take a short detour before finding what we want to explore again. I know I am a long way from finding what I am searching for, but it is okay to take it one day at a time and just enjoy the journey, instead of forcing myself to decide my destination.